The Funny Bible

Funny [fuhn-ee] adjective: 1. affording light mirth and laughter; 2. differing from the ordinary in a suspicious, perplexing, quaint, or eccentric way; 3. warranting suspicion; deceitful; underhanded.

Finish your Children.

Someday God will force parents eat their own children.

And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat. ~ Leviticus 26:16

And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat. ~ Leviticus 26:29

And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters. ~ Deuteronomy 28:53

And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend. ~ Jeremiah 19:9


Easter?

I accidentally came across this passage from http://www.thercg.org and thought it was too good to pass up, so I thought I’d share: 

“Can Easter be kept “in honor of Christ”? Some may say, “Okay, I know Easter comes from paganism—but I’m not pagan! I celebrate it in honor of Christ. I focus on Him.” Because God knew that Israel would feel this way when they encountered the religious customs of pagan nations, and would try to use false customs to honor the true God, He gave the instruction in Deuteronomy 12:28-32. God always commanded that people worship Him exactly as He instructed! So did Christ. “

FYI: Here is Deuteronomy 12:28-32 (King James Version) for reference. 


28Observe and hear all these words which I command thee, that it may go well with thee, and with thy children after thee for ever, when thou doest that which is good and right in the sight of the LORD thy God. 

29When the LORD thy God shall cut off the nations from before thee, whither thou goest to possess them, and thou succeedest them, and dwellest in their land; 

30Take heed to thyself that thou be not snared by following them, after that they be destroyed from before thee; and that thou enquire not after their gods, saying, How did these nations serve their gods? even so will I do likewise. 

31Thou shalt not do so unto the LORD thy God: for every abomination to the LORD, which he hateth, have they done unto their gods; for even their sons and their daughters they have burnt in the fire to their gods. 

32What thing soever I command you, observe to do it: thou shalt not add thereto, nor diminish from it. 

If your own full brother, or your son or daughter, or your beloved wife, or your intimate friend, entices you secretly to serve other gods, whom you and your fathers have not known, gods of any other nations, near at hand or far away, from one end of the earth to the other: do not yield to him or listen to him, nor look with pity upon him, to spare or shield him, but kill him. Your hand shall be the first raised to slay him; the rest of the people shall join in with you. You shall stone him to death, because he sought to lead you astray from the Lord, your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that place of slavery. And all Israel, hearing of this, shall fear and never do such evil as this in your midst.
Deuteronomy 13:7-12 (NAB)